Marketing advice to worried clergy

I am reading the funniest book - “Naked” by the hilarious American David Sedaris (Abacus). I pass on these two quick hints for any local clergy whose congregations are inattentive:

>> “He rang us up tipsy – he’s a tippler - saying that our faces brought him closer to God And it’s true, we’re terribly good-looking people, Most people say my greatest asset is my skin which glows – it really does . I have to tie a sock over my eyes to fall asleep at night. Others like my eyes or my perfect gleaming teeth, my thick head of hair, my imposing stature, but if you want my opinion I think my most outstanding feature is my ability to accept a complement. ….The reverend want us to sit in the front seat so we won’t be a distraction …..”

>> “The reverend hoped that by delivering his sermon on horseback he might regain a bit of attention for himself, but even with his lariat and his team of prancing Clydesdales, he plan failed to work.”